The Trunk
by Scottea
Summary: A trunk from the past shows Spock his non-blood family and shows his non-blood family a bit more of Spock.
1. Chapter 1

For the first five days since Spock returned to the ship after four days away Kirk had put the Vulcan's mood down to having to deal with certain senior officers at Starbase Nine they both thought had not been off base for far too long.

The bridge was no longer as relaxed as it usually was, there was no decrease in anybody's usual high standard of proficiency, there was just fewer relaxed conversations, and Spock had used their rank and surname and not just their surnames as was his usual. Kirk also was aware that in that time not once had they had a casual off the bridge conversation nor had Spock called him Jim.

Toward the end of his shift on that sixth day Spock was still in the full Vulcan mode and it was starting to annoy not just him but was starting to grate on the others. Just before the end of his shift Kirk had ordered him to get checked by McCoy and for a moment, Kirk was sure he had seen a flicker of panic before a look of anger mixed with annoyance flashed across the alien face. That flicker was all he needed to know that the Spock he knew so well was there but that something had to be effecting him to have him revert so far back into that Vulcan shell.

There had been just a quick flicker of the protest that Spock normally gave. There had only been that flicker when Spock had first looked at him, "As you order, Captain Kirk, I shall report to Doctor McCoy and then go to my quarters. I shall report to you when I an next on duty." Total Vulcan. No emotion. No reaction. Just fact and duty. Damn, he had had a glimpse of his Spock. McCoy would see it too, he would be able to tell him what the problem was and what to do.

McCoy had been ready for Spock to arrive but was not fully ready for the being that arrived appearing to be Spock. Not the Spock that had finally come out from behind years of Vulcan conditioning, the Spock who would allow his Human aspects peek out on the rare occasion, the Spock who was way less formal than what was before him had been since returning from those two days on Starbase Nine. He had walked in and stopped before him, "Captain Kirk has ordered me to report to you, Doctor McCoy, for a thorough medical examination to determine if there has been or is anything that is out of the normal range for my physical as well and mental readings. It would be appreciated if this unnecessary exercise took no longer than necessary."

There had been something in the way Spock had acted and spoken that let McCoy know it was best not to chit-chat but to be quiet and give him a thorough exam. The full barrage of tests and examinations took less than twenty-five minutes and they were what McCoy considered the longest twenty-five minutes he had ever spent with Spock. It was like being with a robotic stranger and McCoy was pleased and relaxed when Spock left.

McCoy had called Kirk down to Sickbay after Spock had left. Before he handed over he looked at the others and saw the concern on all their faces. They had all seen and heard how much Spock had changed since his return from those two days away. He could tell from how they looked at him as he stood that they also realized that there was something seriously wrong with their friend. All he could do was give an acknowledging nod as he left. Silently he was hoping that McCoy had found something, anything, that could explain why Spock was reverting to his Vulcan heritage.

As soon as he walked into Sickbay McCoy handed him a glass, "You'll need that as, before you ask, Jim, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, physically nor mentally wrong with that walking computer. All his readings are within the normal for him. Now I do not know what it is nor did I want to ask him any more than I did in the state he is in but there is something bothering him that is clearly personal and something he is having difficulty putting into one of those neat little classifications in his mind. Not once did he call me just McCoy or even Doctor. Blasted Vulcan was back to being so damned formal and called me Doctor McCoy in that official tone he has. His answers were just affirmative or negative. There is nothing I can do for him, Jim. I admit that I do not like how he is going back to behind that Vulcan wall we have all helped him knock down as far as we have but there is no way to stop it without knowing what is causing him to withdraw as he is. I do know that whatever happened down there was the trigger. Maybe you should see what you can find out from those down there who he saw. Maybe he talked with somebody that triggered the change."

Kirk down the drink and looked at his friend, saw the concern in the blue eyes, "I have, Bones. Apart from delivering what he had to for me and a few things to the Science Center I was told that the rest of the time there was his private time and that was it. I know something happened down there and I have a feeling that they know but as they said it was his private time." He looked at the empty glass that he slowly put on the table and shook his head, "Bones, he just is not talking, he seems to be reverting to that Vulcan I first met, that Vulcan so many see. All strictly as per regulations. Now and then I swear I can see pain in his eyes, I can see him almost physically struggling to maintain that Vulcan control. He will go to say something and suddenly stop himself. It is, I know this sounds absurd, as though he is afraid to show himself as him any longer."

"And what about that old trunk that was beamed up just after he beamed up? Now I do not know about you, Jim, but the way he just looked at it scared the hell out of me. It was like he was seeing something that tore at those emotions we know he has although he does not acknowledge nor admit to having them. He just told Scotty to have it put in his quarters. Looked at you and so damned Vulcanly said he would return as soon as possible." McCoy poured them both a second smaller drink. "Whatever it is it is nothing physical nor is there any mental reason for it when I look at all his readings. No matter what it is it has got him going back to behind that blasted wall of his. We, well especially you, better find out what it is and help him with it or we will end up with just the Vulcan part of our friend."

Kirk was reflecting over what McCoy had said and looked over his glass at him, "Are you trying to tell me, Bones, that you think it is something to do with the emotions he denies having?"

"Now I did not say that, Jim, but as close as I can come is that **something happened down there** , something to do with that old trunk. Although I have no real proof I am sure it brought back something he has not dealt with or, worse, something he refuses to deal with."

"He's never mentioned anything about a trunk and did you see it? Must be at least from the nineteen hundreds. I had read about them being on old sailing ships, used by wealthy passengers on Old Earth who were going on ocean voyages . Scotty said when he scanned it all of the readings indicated it was real Old Earth wood and metal from that period. There were no weapons or items indicated to be of concern in transporting nor being on the ship."

"Now that's all well and good, Jim but what does it have to do with our First Officer going all Vulcan on us as he has? Now I do not know how it is on the bridge but a lot of the crew I've talked with and my people are all on edge, not sure what he now expects from them. You do know that not many of them have ever really dealt with Vulcans, don't you?"

"And that is what he is being, isn't it? He is mentally shutting away that Human half on himself."

"That's why I say it has to do with that trunk and something he does not want to deal with. I say it but I cannot think of anything, anything at all, that Spock would not be able to deal with." McCoy sighed and looked at Kirk, seeing his Captain and friend was just as worried as he was about their Vulcan friend, "Oh sure, he would hesitate, pause, take time to analyze the minutest detail to whatever the puzzle or problem was to find the answer or solution, and be in his Vulcan mode for that but there is no way he would not be like that for this long. This has to be something else, something he cannot easily deal with on either a logical or emotional level. This is something tearing at his Human and his Vulcan halves at the same time. This is something he has not confronted before and it is to do with his blasted logic and those emotions he has but tries to deny."

"He'll be fine, I'll give him a few more hours, Bones, as he may just need a bit longer to work through it. Thanks for the talk and the drink."

As Kirk got to the door McCoy gave voice to what he knew Kirk would also be thinking, "What if he can not work through it, Jim? **What if** , in those extra hours you are going to give him, **he gets totally lost** in that conflict between those two halves of his? Or in one of them? Are you telling me you could still be the Captain you are with him not as he was, that this would still be the ship and crew it is without him as he always has been?"

All Kirk could do was nod as he muttered, "I hear you, Bones." He was not ready to admit that he did not what he was going to do or how he, let alone the ship, could go on if Spock stayed in that Vulcan mode. He was not going to allow himself to even think of Spock without that blend of Vulcan and Human, both the good and not so good aspects of both bloodlines.

He knew that Spock had gone to his own quarters, just had he had since his return. No chess games, no mixing with the crew, nothing but his duties as per regulations. That Vulcan part was strong yet he had also seen the slight smile on the bridge when Chekov and Sulu would have a friendly debate and the time McCoy had been on the bridge and complained about an ensign who needed treatment for burns on his hand as he had decided to touch a pipe that was clearly marked as a steam vent just to see if it were hot.

He briefly went to the bridge as he knew the others would be waiting to hear what he had been told. They were also all too aware of how different Spock was since his return. "McCoy said it is not medical. I'm going to give him a bit longer to work out whatever it is that,"

"A private message for you, Captain, from Vice-admiral Loxtion." Uhura looked at him. "I'll patch it through to your,"

"Thank you. It will not take me long to get there."

Loxtion, Loxtion. It took Kirk a moment to remember the man. Star Fleet's most experienced officer in investigations and personnel. What could he be, For a moment it seemed everything stopped. What had happened to Spock during those two days?

In his quarters to took a few deep breaths then went to his comm unit, "Kirk here, Sir."

"I will make this short, Kirk as you will be receiving your orders shortly. I just wanted to ensure that Commander Spock received a wooden trunk? He is usually most punctual about acknowledging such things."

"Yes. It was beamed aboard and taken to his quarters. He has not been himself lately."

"I was told he was slightly different after hearing about the death of Officer Bruce Cairn and being given the disc Cairn had made for him. The trunk was to be sent to the Commander upon Cairn's death. Such a waste as you know how the two of them were near equals, at the most only one point's difference, in almost every test their final year at the Academy on that special course. His death was a waste and yet his action saved the lives of over three hundred fellow officers. Although he was not a security officer from reports he was the one who took action first when another heavily armed officer was setting a relay explosive on a starship. According to reports, and the witnesses, it seemed to be almost an instinctive action on his part. It also seems he fought to hold on long enough to make that message to Commander Spock. I was informed Commander Spock had left just before the trunk was beamed to the Enterprise but then it might have been too painful a reminder of his friend. I just wanted to ensure he received it. Thank you for letting me know, Kirk. Loxtion out."

There was static for a moment before Kirk switched off the comm unit. Spock had never mentioned a Bruce Cairn. Near equals. For a moment he just sat and tried not to believe what he was thinking. Spock had often said how very few at the Academy associated with him, how there was only one fellow cadet who actually challenged him on a multitude of levels.

Slowly he reached out to the comm unit, "Commander Spock, this is Captain Kirk. I am coming to see you in your quarters."

"Captain Kirk, is there something amiss with the ship that cannot be adequately dealt with by?"

"Spock," Kirk deliberately cut him off to ensure he knew how serious he was, "I want to talk with you about a conversation I just had with Vice-admiral Loxtion about you not reporting the delivery of a chest and," he hesitated for a moment knowing that it may be something too private and personal for Spock to discuss, "about Bruce Cairn."

" **He had no right to speak to you of that!**" There was no mistaking the just barely controlled fury in Spock's voice.

"Spock,"

"Very well, come. I shall tell you **only that which** , by the dictates of Starfleet Command and Federation law, **you must be told** so that my next shift is not disrupted by constant questioning as to my state of being." There was the distinct metallic click as Spock cut communications but Kirk had heard the distinct conflict in his friend's voice. McCoy was right, there was something Spock did now wan to deal with.

When he entered Spock's quarters the first thing he realized was that the lighting was dimmed and it was slightly warmer than it usually was. It seemed almost alien. So Vulcan. It was not the quarters that he was used to which had reflected its occupant's dual heritage. He had been noticing the changes so much he did not notice Spock till he turned as a voice came from the sleeping alcove and Spock walked out.

Kirk was sure for a moment he had seen the flicker of two emotions before that cold Vulcan expression possessed his friend's face, "Captain Kirk, what **exactly** did Vice-admiral Bruan Loxtion tell you about Bruce Cairn?"

"He told me that he had been told you seemed to be different after learning of the death of Bruce Cairn, that you two had been near equals, that his death saved over three hundred fellow officers through an instinctive action, and that he fought to stay alive long enough to dictate a message to you."

It was plain from how Spock's posture changed that he was annoyed by what had been discussed, " **He had not right to tell you that**."

"He only contacted me as you had not notified him of the safe arrival of that old trunk that apparently was from Bruce Cairn to you."

"He still had **no right** ,"

"He had every right to ensure it arrived and he was obviously concerned about you as,"

"There is no reason for his concern."

"Does that hold true for the crew of this ship, Commander? **We are all concerned about** ,"

"I am a Vulcan, Captain Kirk, and **I cannot afford to care about the emotional needs and reactions of humans."**

"And why is that, Spock? Is that because those human emotions and reactions are what got Bruce Cairn killed?"

" **YOU** **WILL** **NOT** **SPEAK** **OF** **HIM** **LIKE** **THAT!** " For a moment Kirk wondered it he had pushed just a bit too far as Spock took two step closer to him and Kirk saw how his fingers were flexing indicating it was all his friend could do not to attack him physically.

In that moment of silence Kirk saw the plea, the anger, the confusion, and the deep pain in his friend and realized just how much pain his friend was in as clearly his Human and Vulcan factors were in conflict. Using the technique Spock had taught him so long ago Kirk calmed himself and softly said, " **WHAT** , Spock? T **ell me**. **PLEASE** tell me what it is. Please let me help."

Spock turned and took four steps before he stopped, seemed to be fighting with an internal demon as he turned and looked back at Kirk. Yes, Kirk realized that was it, whatever was troubling him had his two halves in great conflict.

"Cap," Spock started then stopped, closed his eyes and shook his head before opening his eyes, taking two steps closer to Kirk, "Jim, I am torn. Can you, of all beings, not see I am being torn apart and must act to save myself and the only way I know is to allow my Vulcan heritage and ways protect me."

"Protect you, protect you from what?"

"I knew Bruce Cairn for one hundred and thirty-two days, for one hundred and thirty of them we were together and I found him to be my mental and physical equal yet he had such love for life and living, a love for it that was equal to, if not more than, your own, and often, like you, allowed his emotions and what he called a gut-feeling to govern his actions. He remained in contact with me, sending me a vast array of interesting findings, although I have only sent him two messages since we parted. Oddly he seemed to have accept that from me as he often mentioned that he was pleased to see I was still occupied with learning more and more. It is likely that, had we had more time together, what was between us would have been as it has been between you and I. What was, what is."

Spock was quiet and, only having known him for as long as he had, Kirk saw a deep emotional pain that was at the core of his friend's withdrawal. His distress was also clear in how he had bowed his head as he said " _between you and I_." and how he had stopped so suddenly as though caught in the past using was and is.

" **What** , Spock?"

Spock held his head bent and his eyes closed, "My, my parents told me many years ago that it would happen yet I had been certain it would not. They were right and I must now do what I must to not allow it to happen again. I must take action to **protect myself**."

" **What** must you protect yourself against?"

"Feeling this pain, **these emotions** , again. I recall how, upon being told the date of his death, that on the same date I had had a momentary sensation that had briefly unsettled me as it was as though I had heard my name called in a familiar voice and the word heard the word "peace" then a silence in a part of my mind to do with learning. I now know that was him saying farewell. I also know that this unpleasant feeling that I have had since hearing of his death will only be much worse when those Humans I allow myself to become close to die as there will be more of an emotionally based feeling than there was with him."

There was a moment's silence before Spock looked at him, "Captain, Jim, please try to understand that I find it difficult to even contemplate what, what it will be like then. Please understand that I believe if I distance myself, protect myself more now by employing the Vulcan ways, when those times comes I will not be so affected and, should I die before them, it will be easier on others as it is easier to accept the death of a stranger than the death of a," Spock lowered his voice as he bowed his head and said, "a friend."

Unsure exactly what to do Kirk looked around and saw what he felt sure was the disc that Loxtion had mentioned that Cairn had made for Spock. Although he paused for a moment in indecision he knew it would either get Spock to think more rationally or, or push him deeper into that Human-Vulcan conflict. "Have you listened to his last message to you?"

There was a slight change in Spock's posture for a moment as Kirk watched him, noting how his friend seemed to be pulling himself together, as though he was at peace with some decision. Vulcan or Human? Or that wonderful blend that Spock had been for all the time he had known and thought of him as his other half, his better half.

Very slowly Spock went to stand by where the disc lay on his desk then looked at Kirk, and Kirk saw less of what had been on the ship the last four days and more of his friend looking back at him. "I, I have been uncertain if it would be wise for me to listen to it."

"Why? Surely you would want to know what he had to say."

"While I am interested to hear what he said I find I have a certain amount of," just for three seconds, while he not only regained control of his Human emotions that he was in such great conflict with but also found the appropriate word for what he was feeling, "great uncertainty as to **how I will be after** I hear not only what he has to say but also his voice."

The inner turmoil his friend was in was becoming more evident and it was all Kirk could do not to react as he had known Spock for long enough to know how such an action would only worsen the torment he was in. "If you like I will leave and you can,"

" **No**!" Spock looked at him looking shocked, "I, I am sorry, Jim, I did not mean to react in such a manner. I welcome your presence. In so many ways I seem only now to be realizing you have many of his qualities and more of your own that are greatly appreciated. I must tell you **I am most uncertain as to how I will react**."

Carefully Kirk picked up the disc and handed it to Spock, "Only one way to find out that I know of."

There was no mistaking the trepidation in the way Spock took the disc and put it in the playback slot, hesitated a moment, then pressed the play switch and stood back.

" _Hey, Spock, they tell me I've a few minutes left and, and I wanted you to know, know how unbelievably wonderful and wonder-filled you, you made my life. Only hope you've learned to, to embrace life without analyzing it to death. I, I wanted to also thank you for the memories. So many great memories. You, you know you were right about us that final day. You know they, they were furious when you were one thousand and one, one thousand and two, ahead of me, me in answering. In the trunk are bits I did not, not get sent and bits you can share. Beth has her one."_ there was a long pause with strained breathing the only sound and Kirk saw how Spock had lowered his head and had his eyes closed _, "Glad, glad you've got some, some good friends now. Kirk, Kirk's good with and for you. You, you two are, are and will be good together. You, you've done, Spock, my friend, you've done good. May. May you always. Always know happiness, con, contentment, and, and peace. Thanks Spock, my friend."_ There was more strained breathing then a silence before a voice said, "He's gone. Time of death,"

Spock swatted aggressively at the unit on the desk as though attempting to kill it instead of just turn it of, then tenderly picked up and held the disc as he then stood with his head bowed and Kirk saw his slightly shaking, saw tears trying not to fall. Only for a moment did he hesitate before taking the three steps to his friend and pull him into a reassuring embrace. He had thought that Spock might have rejected the contact but instead Spock's two strong arms encircled him and held him as though trying to stabilize himself, as though fighting to maintain some sort of control, and Kirk heard his friend softly saying "I knew, I knew, I knew it."

Gradually Kirk felt Spock relax and stand back from him and saw how he looked at him both ashamed and thankful, "Jim, I am most thankful for your support and understanding and yet regret you had to see me so, so,"

"Spock, you just suffered the loss of a close friend, I am honored you let me help you at such a time. You are not forgetting how many times you have helped me when I was so shattered, when you were there to help me, are you? If it is not too personal you kept saying you knew something but what was it?"

Spock looked from him to the disc he held in his hand, "I did not think of us as close then and after the testing I did not see him again and hardly thought of him as the years passed. I now find it unforgivable that I acted in that way as without him and what he did I would not be here, I would not have had that year of special advanced training."

"What do you mean? You had the highest scores in those final tests, you,"

"I only had those scores because Brian kept testing me, drilling me, questioning me under the most unusual conditions and times."

"But you,"

"Jim, you do not understand. He was my match, my equal in so many ways in so many areas, especially in him having a curiosity far more insatiable than my own. We both knew that those in higher places did not want a Vulcan, even a half-Vulcan, to get onto the advanced specialist program. They would assign us some very trying and testing assignments to work on and he willingly allowed me to test my many theories with him as the test subject and he was most thorough in his reports for me on what the test subject experienced. At the time it was enough for me to know that he also got his assignments in on time and we were almost always within a tenth of a point apart in our results. There was only one assignment he did not assist me on because he had been injured in the previous one I had his help with but he found another who was the test subject for me. He would give me jumbled data to correct while he asked me questions while I corrected the data. He was one of the first Humans I had met who did not see me as a threat or different but as an equal, the first one I felt I knew well, one I thought I could trust, one I thought I really knew how they would react to most things. Then at the final test, after all we had been through, he, he," Spock crossed his arms, closed his eyes, shook his head, and just stood in silence.

"He what, Spock? **What did he do to you?** "

With his head still bowed and his eyes closed Spock said, "It is not what he did to me rather what he did **for me**. He knew as well a I did that those five did not want me on that special training. As he and I had even scores at the end of the testing they decided they would have one final session and they set it so that it would be the first to answer one given question that required a five part detailed answer and we would be sitting face to face while being asked the question and when we answered. They asked a most complex question and for so long I have believed that he deliberately hesitated so that they had to take me."

Carefully Kirk placed a hand on Spock's arm, "You can't be sure he,"

"Jim, to make me aware of time passing when he would test me he would count one thousand and one, one thousand and two, one thousand and three and so on. Just as they asked the final part of the question I saw how he looked at me and I believed I had seen something there but had not believed it. Being selected for that training was too important to do what I thought I saw in his expression. For all these years I was not certain, it was just conjecture on my part."

"Didn't you ask him after the,"

"I was taken away before I could talk with him. I remember how he had smiled at me when the group of examiners all started to surround me as he headed for the door. It is only upon thinking of it now that I know what he did I realize it was a smile of satisfaction and to wish me, in a Human way, good luck."

"Like I said, Spock, you **can not be sure** , not now."

Now Spock smiled, " **I AM SURE now,** Jim. He confirmed my belief when he said in, that message, that I was _one thousand and one, one thousand and two ahead_ of him in answering. I had, since that day, had a feeling, a knowing, that he knew the answer a second or two before I did. His saying that in the message let me know I had been right." The smile vanished, "I, I never thanked him for that and he never mentioned it in all of his communications to me over the years."

Kirk looked at where the trunk had been placed and then back at Spock, "Know why he sent you the trunk?"

Spock walked over to it, smiled as he moved four old bit of wood on one side to reveal an old key although the lock was easy to open without it. "He had a habit of adding odd things to it as well as leaving in it things from his past, from his family. Beth is his sister and he told me years ago that she had a chest from their mother's side and had all she wanted to pass on, that he had let her have what she wanted for the trunk he got as he could not see himself getting married and having offspring. It was full of antiques and what could be called curios."

"You can't be sure, Spock, it was a long time ago."

Spock nodded, " **It was but I knew him** , Jim, **I knew him**. He said once it was a link with the past that people should see, feel, and used to not forget how it was to appreciate how it is. He also used to say that it was good to reflect on the past and to occasionally to live as it was lived to really appreciate what we have now." Spock looked from Kirk to the chest as he remembered how, on fifteen occasions during some of their intense study times, Brian had cooked him an evening meal with unprocessed vegetation using an old earth recipe from a book in the trunk and how not only how colorful it was but also how flavorful it was. He looked at the trunk and heard that laughter, that baritone voice incorporating questions that could be asked with his conversations, the way Brian used to play with words to make the questions more complex.

As he looked back at Kirk he was suddenly struck by an unsettling thought, Brian had been right when he said _"Kirk, Kirk's good with and for you. You, you two are, are and will be good together._ " and saw how alike yet so very different Brian and Jim were. Brian had also been right about him having some good friends, friends he had not been treating as they should be treated.

"Jim, I must apologize how I have behaved,"

Spock stopped when Kirk held up a hand, "Knowing now what you had with Brian Cairn, what he did for you and, as a result, for me, your actions were fully understandable. No need to apologize."

"I thank you. Do you think that Mister Scott, Uhura, Sulu, McCoy, and Chekov would mind being present when I open the trunk?"

"I'll go and invite them. You going to be okay?"

"I will be, thank you Jim. I will also arrange for some refreshments to be brought here."

When Kirk walked onto the bridge he was pleased to see Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov there and, before he said anything to them he got on the comm and asked McCoy to come to the bridge. Once they were all present he looked at them, "I've just been with Spock and he would like all of us to go to his quarters for a few minutes. While on Starbase Nine he was informed of the death of a friend he had years ago and his reaction to the pain of the loss was to go Vulcan on us. As Scotty and McCoy know he was sent an old trunk that he would like all of us there when he opens it."

As he looked Kirk saw the almost chain-reaction in looks being exchanged and the nods, and McCoy said, "Just wait till we get our reliefs here, Jim, and we will be there. I've got something we'll all need."

When all of the senior crew where there Spock looked at them one at a time and then said, "I must apologize for my behavior these last few days since my return from Starbase Nine. I had no right to subject you all to my, my."

" **Now just you stop right there, Spock** ," McCoy looked at him, "Jim told us you had some bad news and we've all had somebody close to us die. We have our good old Human emotions that we have always been allowed to show or express in many ways to help us cope with the loss. You have those same Human emotions but you were raised the Vulcan way not to show them. It is just," McCoy smiled at his friend, "logical that you would have horrendous conflict in you and for same asinine reason you did not think could express those emotions with us. Hell, we would have and do understand how hard it is for you, we would have known the reason for why you were acting so Vulcan."

Spock looked at the five of them and they all nodded, only Scotty kept looking at him and said, "Aye, McCoy tis right. This may nae be a family by blood but laddie, **this is your, our family** and family is always there for one another in all ways."

"I, I wish to thank you all for your support and understanding. I am also pleased you are here with me while I open a trunk left to me by my friend, Bruce Cairn. It is a trunk that had been in his family since the nineteenth century on Old Earth and he said there would be things I could share. He told me that his family had rather eclectic interests and that though mainly to do with music, history, self-sufficiency, and traditions they did collect odd things that had clearly interested them. I wish to share them with," he looked at McCoy, "my non-blood related family here."

He used the old key to open it and paused when he opened the lid as a frame dropped down revealing a note to him, a note in Brian's handwriting. No, not a note, a poem. Spock realized his reading and comprehension was far faster than a Human's he stood back and Jim read it aloud as he found himself needing to be a bit away from the others as Jim read it.

 _"Spock, we must control ourselves with logic while still unafraid to feel_

 _We must dream and imagine things that simply cannot be_

 _We must be awake and accept those things that we know just are real_

 _We must live a life where both our mind and body are free_

 _I have this one life so I will live it to the best and fullest that I can_

 _Filled with learning, doing, helping others, and loving till the end_

 _Unafraid to really feel and judging not by gender, color, creed nor clan_

 _For I am not alone when I think of or see you, Spock, my dear friend._

 _Brian."_

For a moment nobody moved and, as Spock slowly turned and looked at his Human friends, he saw they were, in their own way, feeling some of what he was although they had not known Brian. Jim looked over at him and, for the six point nine four seconds they looked at each other, he knew that Jim was feeling as he was, how that poem, those words, applied to what they shared. McCoy was the first to move and went to the part of Spock's desk where there were the glasses and two bottles he had brought with him, filled six small glasses from one bottle and one glass from the other, passed the glasses around, then looked at Spock as he raised his glass, "To Brian Cairn and friends who are family by choice and not blood."

Spock unhesitatingly raised his glass with the others and nodded at McCoy as he took a sip of the liquid and immediately recognized it as a rare Vulcan equivalent to the Human whisky but without the alcohol content. That McCoy would bring it for him reflected the emotions he knew his friend felt for him, that understanding of what sharing this action, this moment, with his closest friends meant even to his Vulcan side. As he set his glass down he moved the framed poem, took it into the sleeping alcove, placed it carefully beside his bed, said a silent thanks to his friend, and rejoined the others.

* * *

A/N VERY cold night. Garden far to damp and muddy to work in today so thought I would get this one started. Enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2

Very slowly and methodically he started to lift items out of the trunk. Piece by piece he emptied the trunk with the help of the others placing the pieces on his bed. There were "ohhhhs" and "ahhhhs" as different old, really antique pieces emerged from the chest as well as some rather unusual knickknacks and four items wrapped securely in cloth protecting and concealing the contents and clearly marked " _ **For my friend S'chn T'gai Spock**_ ". For six seconds he just stood looking down at them as he felt a cauldron of emotions that he acknowledged stemmed from knowing how well Brian Cairn had obviously known him and the many, many possibilities of what they could be. He allowed himself to admit that he was most curious as to what they could be. He carefully, almost reverently got them out of the trunk and placed them on the bed by the pillow.

Once he had removed the small things that he thought would be best shared by the crew in the rec rooms, old board games and general curios that did not suit any one of his friends while the other items seemed ideal for them and the trunk was empty, Spock moved it to a space under his desk and secured it. Although it left just over a third of the usual leg-room under the desk Spock knew it was treasured possession as well as an extra storage space. He went into the sleeping alcove and looked at the items on his bed, at his six friends, and slowly started to pick out items for each of them.

He first picked up an old book and held it out to Chekov and saw the surprise on the young man's face when he read out the title to the others, " _Navigating by the Stars of the Northern and Southern Hemisphere_ " then looked at Spock, "But, Sir, it is a rare book, Old Earth, it is,"

"It is yours now, Chekov, as I believe is this," he handed him an old balalaika. "My friend had a love of music, used to sing a fair amount of the time, and often said that music and curiosity were in the family genes so none of this," he waved his hand over what was on his bed, "is a surprise to me."

"Thank you," Chekov started but Spock just nodded and turned back to the bed and the young navigator and the others understood as so many times their Vulcan friend had said that logic does not need to be thanked to be acknowledged.

From the items still on the bed Spock picked up what appeared to be a strange musical instrument not unlike the balalaika and held it out to Sulu, "This is now yours. As is," as soon as Sulu took the hosozao from Spock he picked up a sheathed knife, "this tanto." The other five saw the almost look of reverence as Sulu looked at the knife but Spock was already looking at the items still on his bed. Chekov and Sulu just looked at each other for a moment, each realizing how fortunate they were not only in what they had just received but also in having the friend they had.

With a smile Spock held out a necklace Uhura recognized from historical books as being from the region of Old Earth that her great relatives had come from. From deep inside her she felt a chill, the thought of how something from that region, something of her heritage long lost, was here. She stilled herself as Spock put it on her as he said, "I am sure the Captain will not mind you wearing this while in uniform within the confines of my quarters and later the short distance to your own." She turned away for a moment to look in the mirror and lightly touched it as though it was only by touching it she would believe it was real. When she turned to thank him he held out a small collection of four tubes she recognized as a pan flute. Before she said a word she quickly hugged him, whispered, "Thank you so much, Spock." in his ear then stood back and took the pan flute with a nod, seeing the smile in the dark eyes that looked at her.

"There does not appear to be anything musical for you, Mister Scott but I trust that this will suffice," Spock picked up an old framed advertisement that for a moment the engineer just started at, a shipbuilding and engineering company in Scotland on Old Earth in the eighteen hundreds. "I believe the writing on the back authenticates it and gives some history." There was a look on the engineer's face as he held the frame and read the information on the back and saw a twentieth century connection to somebody with the surname Cairn. For a moment he paused, he had heard that name then remembered it had been Spock's friend's surname. He looked back at Spock who help up one hand to silence him while holding out a small book and smiled as he said, "This was aptly be yours as well." The Scotsman laughed then read out the title, " _It's Haggis, Man, Not Black Pudding._ " There was laughter all around and they all saw the broad smile that their Vulcan friend did not try to hide.

"It also appears that there is nothing musical for you either, McCoy, but there is this," Spock handed him a box marked " _D. Kit for Stil_ l" and they all laughed when he pulled out a pamphlet entitled " _Still Spirits Single Malt Whiskey Distillery Kit_ " and was still shaking his head when Spock said, "which is clearly related to this book." Although he was still surprised by the still he could not resist laughing when he saw the title was " _Burbon's Boozy Recipes"_. "And this is also yours, McCoy," he held out a metal box with " _Survival Kit for the New Millennium_ " along with The Staff of Asclepius, the Red Cross, and The Caduceus of Hermes on it along with the notice - To be opened only after midnight December 31, 1999.

So many thoughts raced through McCoy's mind as he looked from what he had been given to the quiet Vulcan. As he looked at Spock he saw that his friend had relaxed and lowered that Vulcan shield he stayed behind far too much. This was that Human side that had been hurt and hidden for so many years, the side that so many would never know let alone see as they were being allowed to. This was the side that Jim Kirk saw when they were alone and was aware of when they were before others, the side that Kirk would see over the many chess games they played as well as those moments on the bridge when he would look at Spock for support. Only for a moment did he wonder why his friend hid so much behind that wall then recalled all the hushed comments he had heard as well as the not so quiet ones from those who did not know the man, the hurtful comments about how he acted, about him being a half-breed. From what he knew of Spock's childhood and even his time at the Academy he could understand why Spock would want to protect that Human side of himself. Aware that Spock was looking at him and, no doubt having an idea about his indecision was about, he finally just nodded his thanks to his friend knowing he would later have a long talk with him.

There were only three items left on the main bed with the four for himself by his pillow, three they all knew were for Jim Kirk. They could all plainly see the three items and saw how surprised their Captain and friend looked as he looked at the three items and then at Spock who walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder, "Jim, those three are for you."

Almost as though afraid the items were a dream Kirk reached out and picked up one of a set of four to scale models of early ships from Old Earth named Enterprise: a sailing vessel from the late seventeen hundreds, a nineteen thirty-eight aircraft carrier and one from nineteen sixty-one, then a nineteen seventy-seven space shuttle. Hesitantly he picked up a book titled " _What Rules?_ " referred to as a humourous reference book of collected miscellaneous rules from the late nineteen hundreds, and then an antique Boy Scout pocket knife. He was unaware of how long he stood there holding the knife in his hands and looking at the treasures his friend had just given him thinking about where all those gifts had been before being given to him, the passage of time all the gifts had covered. He was only aware that nobody had moved or spoken till he saw Spock turn to look at those four packages by his pillow.

"If ye want to be alone, we can,"

"No, no, I would like to share this time with all of you. I, I," almost as one the six others looked at one another when Spock closed his eyes and hesitated.

Cautiously McCoy reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Then we'll stay with you, Spock."

Spock turned his head and looked into two blue eyes, "I cannot ask you,"

"You're not asking and we're staying as long as you want us to."

When Spock looked at the others he saw each of them nod and sensed their love and support. He cautiously reached out and picked up the first of the packages and opened it. It was a book he had seen once years ago, a book where opened one way it was folk tales of Old Earth and when opened flipped over it was folk tales of Vulcan both before and after reform. He closed his eyes as he held it as he remembered the day he had seen it and remembered Bran had been with him, how he never mentioned it but how Brian had clearly seen him looking at it before he realized the price and the look the salesman was giving him. So often Brian had seen things he never commented on with regard to his actions, just accepted them as part of him, as part of his Vulcan heritage.

Placing the book carefully on the table beside his bed he picked up the second package. He agin carefully opened it to reveal a small glass fronted display with a pair of blue glass balls in it and an inscription, " _I was told I was losing these so I thought I would send them to you. Now that they're yours you cannot be accused of having lost all your marbles._ " Many of those others at the Academy also in the advanced science group, during those days he and Brian had studied together, had often accused Brian for losing his marbles by helping him. So many had been so hostile toward Brian for helping him yet Brian totally ignored them as though nothing was going on around them.

He placed the small display beside the book and lifted the third one, noticing it was bulkier yet not as heavy as the other two. With the two items he had already received from Brian Spock did not know what to expect. Briefly he reflected how like being with Brian it was, not knowing what to expect next while knowing it would be of interest and, at times, informative if not intriguing. It took him a moment to realize it was what Humans called a sweatshirt and across the front of it was _FRIENDS HEAR IN THE SILENCES_ and a small handwritten card attached to it by a thread had, in Brian's handwriting " _Thanks for the many great comfortable quite conversations we had while studying. Apologies for breaking your silence by counting in thousands. B_." Memories of how it would temporarily annoy him when Brian would give him a situation to solve as they were likely to get tested on and, just as he was starting to really concentrate on it, Brian would start counting in that one thousand and one manner. How those moments were most beneficial at that final testing. He took a deep breath as he realized he had never thanked him for any of it, for all he had done, for helping him realize a secret dream. As though it was a fragile thing he carefully laid the sweatshirt out over his pillow.

That fourth package he just looked at. Such conflicting trepidation seemed to still him, almost immobilize him. With what he had received already he knew it could be anything. It was more carefully wrapped, solid, and heavier than the others. When he looked at the others he saw understanding and acceptance of his hesitancy. While they had seen how Brian had a sense of humor as well as knowing him so well they had no idea of some of the crazy things Brian had done in those days that he had been with him, the things Brian had done to help him, the things that had shown him that Brian did understand him. Instead of holding it as he opened it as he had the others he placed it on the desk and carefully, methodically, unwrapped it. At first he had thought it was just another old book but then he saw Vulcan writing. Everything seemed to stop when he saw what it was. There were only twenty copies of the complete teachings of Surak in printed form in his writing known to exist and sixteen of those were fair condition in different states and their locations known, being the homes of the elders and the primary museum on Vulcan, one had been gifted to the museum at the headquarters of the Federation and two others were incomplete as many pages were missing but were in the care of the elders, and now, now he had the one that had been missing for over a hundred years. There had been rumors of it being held by an unscrupulous person who was in hiding but had made it known he would destroy the book rather than it ever being given back to Vulcan.

He was only vaguely aware of Jim and McCoy helping him to sit down and Uhura handing him a glass of water. So long ago, in that small room they shared and studied in, he remembered telling Brian about it only because he had asked what would be the one thing, of all known things, that he would like to see happen, that he would like to be a part of helping to happen, and he had said he would like to see the book and help return it to Vulcan. When he looked at his friends he saw their concern and noticed how both McCoy and Jim each still had a hand resting on his shoulders.

"Ya know, Spock, there seems to be a note sticking out of it. If ya like either Jim or I could read it for you if it is not in Vulcan." He was only just aware of what his friend had said and he looked at Jim who nodded. Neither of them would know what the book meant to him let alone to Vulcan. Neither knew what it would mean to be the one to return it to Vulcan.

"Spock," he felt Jim squeeze his shoulder and heard the concern in his voice, "If you like we will leave the note for you to read it."

It was a mixture of emotions that made him grip Jim's hand and look at him, as usual there was understanding on his friend's face. While he knew that Jim would possibly not understand the importance of the book or know of what it meant to Vulcan it was enough that Jim was there, that Jim understood he needed that quiet support. For a moment he wished that Jim had met Brian for they were so alike although he knew that Brian could be more or a loner than Jim. Slowly he looked at McCoy and, seeing the understand on his friend's face, just nodded and watched as McCoy pulled a small card from the book and unfolded it.

 _"Spock, well, my friend, sure hope this is the book you were looking for. The seller wasn't exactly keen to sell it till he saw I had the amount he wanted in small credits. He knew he would not be questioned about how he got the money by using small credits. When he tried to raise the price I started to walk away and he called me back before one thousand and ten. He asked why I had wanted it so much, if I was being pressured by Vulcans to buy it for them, and seemed to relax when I said a friend and I were curious about other ways of life. I'm not sure how or when I will get this to you but you will get it. Please don't feel anger toward me as I know you will now have to think of something else that you want to see happen or help to happen. You take care of yourself, my friend, and enjoy the moment. Brian"_

There was silence as McCoy slid the note back in the book. Only Chekov spoke, "You had a great friend to do that for you, for Wulcan. Will you tell them about him?"

Friend. The word bothered Spock as he thought how he had never called Brian that, had never told him what he thought of him, and never thanked him for so many things. He had only twice mentioned him to his parents but had not told even them of what Brian had done for him over those one hundred and thirty days. "I will tell them that a friend helped me locate it and return it."

"You are aware they may want to know more about him, about his reasons, about how you knew him?" Uhura moved over to him and handed him a glass of the juice he had before, "A personal and private salute to its return to you and the Vulcan people."

"Thank you, Uhura." Spock took the glass, raised it as he looked up and said, "Brian, lesek, th'i-oxalra, and thank you, my friend, from myself and the Vulcan people." he drank it then closed his eyes, bowed his head, saying in a half-whisper, "It would be too difficult to explain **you** to Vulcans, Brian, especially as, even after a hundred and thirty days, **I** did not really understand you."

While Spock remained still for a long time his six friend just stood, around him in almost a semi-circle. McCoy looked at the others and realized that to anybody else it would seem unusual but it did look like they were forming a protective barrier for him. He saw Jim Kirk also looking around and for perhaps eight seconds they looked at each other before Kirk nodded then looked back at Spock. In that nod McCoy knew that his Captain and friend had seen his concern for their Vulcan friend as well as how surprised and honored he felt for what he had been given. When he looked back at Spock he saw his friend still had his head bowed and his eyes closed.

After she had given him the glass Uhura had stood back with the others and just waited. She knew this was difficult for her friend. Over the years she had come to know how painful and difficult it was for him to deal with his emotion in private as well as public. From how he was she knew that he was aware they were there and was accepting their silent support just as they all had, on so many occasions , been on the receiving end of that silent support from him.

Chekov looked from Spock to the balalaika then back at his friend. He tried to think of a time when he had seen his friend so, so, so. It did not seem possible to even think of his friend as helpless. He had always been sure that Spock had deep emotions that he kept hidden and it had unnerved him to see how difficult it was for his friend to deal with them. As he looked at the others he realized they were there to also protect Spock from interruption and to help him however they could do deal with the loss of a close friend. Even as he thought of it Chekov realized that perhaps Brian Cairn had been Spock's first real friend and did not want to think how difficult it would be for Spock to deal with such a loss in public.

Only after having studying how those around him were, how he, himself, felt, did Sulu briefly go to the comm unit and calmly, softly say, "Bridge, this is Sulu, status." He was informed that there was no change, "Thank you, maintain course heading and speed. Sulu out." When he looked back at the others he saw his captain looking at him and saw the nod. He had not done it so much for the captain as out of duty to Spock as he knew the Vulcan would not want any disruption to the ship's efficiency due to him. It was all he could think to do for his friend apart from being there for him should he be needed.

It tore at him to see his friend in such distress especially knowing there was not a thing he could do to ease the pain he was in. As Scotty looked at his friend he had tried to think of a time when he had seen him so, so defenseless, so openly vulnerable. He also worried about how Spock would be when all of them died before him, worried about who would be there for him. So many times over the years he had been on the receiving end of help from this being who claimed that logic alone governed his actions. So many times this special being had stood by him, had even physically supported him, when he had been in an emotional state that even a few bottles had not been able to deaden. T'was grand that for once his friend was accepting the help he and the others could give him. For once, even in such a small way, he could help the one who had so often helped him even if that help was only to be here with the others to let him know he was not alone.

As he looked at the five others standing with him in a semi-circle around Spock Jim Kirk wondered if they were all feeling as he was, as though they had to protect and help this precious being. They would not know what Spock had revealed, they would not know that this was how tormented their friend was after only knowing a friend for less than half a year prior to their death. They would not know how very afraid Spock was of what his emotional status would be like when, as the Vulcan life-span was longer than the Human one, any of those with him now, those he had called his non-blood family, died.

Uhura slowly started to sing a song that she was unsure if the others would know all the verses of but was sure they knew the chorus and hoped they would join a the end,

"In that silence of your solitude

In that stillness of your greatest fear

Just know that while I will not intrude

That you have a friend who is right here.

For we are friends though as different as can be

You make who I am a much better me.

When you feel lost and so all alone

When you have feelings too hard to bear

Know that my feeling for you have grown

And that in spirit I am right there.

For we are friends though as different as can be

You make who I am a much better me.

I will not judge nor will I condemn

There is nothing you cannot share

I am there in peace and mayhem

For only about you do I care

For we are friends though as different as can be

You make who I am a much better me."

Uhura hoped they would join in if she sang the last verse again and they did with modifications,

" **We** will not judge nor will we condemn

There is nothing you cannot share

 **We** are there in peace and mayhem

For only about you do **we** care

For **we are friends** though and difference is a plus

 **Spock you make who we are a much better us**."

Very slowly Spock looked at his six friends. What they had sung, the feelings he had felt coming from them as they stood around him and sang let him know just how much they cared. He only wished there was some way he could express his feelings toward them. When the six looked briefly from Spock to one another they knew they had all seen the same thing, their unemotional Vulcan friend felt the same toward them but could not put it in words. They also saw that he had returned from wherever his emotions had taken him.

"If ye'll excuse me, Spock, I'd like ta take these grand gifts ta my quarters before I go back on shift. Tis grand ta see and hear ye back ta how ye are."

"Thank you for coming, Mister Scott. I am pleased to be back to how I usually am. Do doubt your bairns will be glad to see you back ensuring they are working as they should be."

"I'll take my gifts to my quarters and get back to the helm. Like Scotty said, Sir, it is great to see you feeling better."

"I thank you for your assistance in my return to that state. I shall shortly be reporting to the bridge."

Chekov almost reverently picked up the book and balalaika before he looked at Spock trying to figure out what exactly to say.

"I shall see you on the bridge, Chekov. Thank you for coming."

After he had left Uhura hugged her pan-flute, gave Spock a quick one arm hug and said, "I will take these to my quarters and see you on the bridge. It is good to see my friend back to normal."

Spock nodded at her, "Thank,"

She smiled as she held up a hand, "To quote a very good friend, one does not thank logic." and left.

With it being just the three McCoy nodded, "She's right, Spock. It is good to see you back to what passes as your normal. I cannot speak for the others but I sure was worried about you being so damned Vulcan like that. I think your friend Brian was right and knew you so well, especially with that thing about silence."

"As I told Jim, I only really knew him, had one to one dealings with him, for one hundred and thirty days. He, he was the first person of any species, who was friendly towards me. At the time I was not aware of what an impact he would have on my life, what his friendship with me would enable me to do, to become. I regret now I did not stay in contact with him. He was one of the few Humans I have met who understood the power and wonder of silence and he should me just how important and powerful it is in friendship." Just for a moment Spock was quiet and looked at his two closest friends, "I have found that you and Jim also know how much is said in silence although I feel at times you expect the silence to yell."

McCoy smiled back at his friend, "Guess I do at that, Spock. Thank you for sharing what Brian materialistically left you." gently he placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "He had a great friend, even if only in his physical presence for a few weeks. You take it easy now."

When it was just the two of them Kirk looked at Spock. "You sure you want to give those bits to the rest of the crew?"

"Yes, Jim. They will be used,"

"And I am sure greatly appreciated. I will tell the crew you,"

"No. Please do not mention me or where they are from. If asked just say a fellow officer thought they might be of interest."

Kirk looked at his friend for a moment, saw how adamant he was about the crew not knowing, "Okay, Spock. I'll just put them in the cabinets and tell any crew who ask that a fellow officer thought others might enjoy them." Spock seemed to relax almost immediately. "If you like I can see if we have time to swing by Vulcan so you can,"

"If, if you do not mind I would like your presence when I contact my father first with regard to the book. He, he thought Brian was an unstable Human and that I should avoid him. I never told him all that Brian did for me. I do not know how he will react."

"Make the call. I'll be right here."

It took seven minutes to get Sarek and Kirk did not miss how Spock's posture changed from relaxed to almost at attention when his father appeared, "Greetings, my son, I must say this is unexpected. Is there some problem?"

"Greetings, Father, there is and yet there is not a problem. I recently received news that Brian Cairn was killed."

There was no mistaking the look that flickered across Sarek's face before he said, "I grieve with thee but I did inform you years ago that he,"

Sarek's expression changed when Spock held the book where his father could see it. "Before you inquire, Father, it is authentic and is that missing copy. It was in an old trunk that was sent to me following Brian's death. There was a message in it that explained how he purchased it for me."

"We had been informed that twenty-eight standard years ago is was known to be in the possession of a Human who detested Vulcans and who was willing to sell it for an unconscionable amount only to Humans with no connection to Vulcans. How is it, therefore, possible that Brian Cairn purchased it if he was truly a friend of yours?

"Father, you **never got to know Brian** , you never got to see that he, like Mother and Captain Kirk, do not see you and I as Vulcans first and then as beings worthy of knowing: they see us first as beings worthy of knowing then may be aware we are not Human. When I first met Brian and told you and Mother about him I believe your words were he was a most unstable Human whose lifestyle was the total antithesis of my life and I should avoid him as much as possible. I will not go into details here and now but it is because of him that I was able to attend that specialist training my final year at the Academy. I knew nothing about him having this book until an old trunk of his arrived for me. The book was in it with other unusual things that I was able to share with other officers."

"Might I ask if his death was due to his penchant for living an undisciplined life? If memory serves he was not one to thoroughly analyze a situation before taking action."

Kirk could tell that Spock was only just staying calm, "I believe Captain Kirk knows more about the events that lead to his death. Captain, if you will." Spock moved so Kirk was visible and he saw how Sarek was not as certain as usual about the way the conversation was going.

"Sir, all I can tell you is that I was informed his action saved the lives of over three hundred fellow officers and a starship and that while he was not a security officer from reports he reacted to the situation first." Kirk did not know if either Sarek or Spock could tell he was not telling all he knew but he did not think either needed all the facts. He moved so that Spock could sit and face his father.

"It seems, my son, I was in error about your association with him. You discussed the book with him?"

"I mentioned it once as something I was looking for and I thought no more about it until it arrived in that trunk. It has been only since the arrival of the trunk that I have remembered so much about him and the one hundred and thirty days that we were together."

"Only one hundred and thirty days and yet he sought and purchased the book for you with no expectation of,"

"He believed we were friends. At that time I was , because of what you and other Vulcans of our acquaintance as well as my teachers said, still unsure if I could trust Humans, let alone ever have Human friends, despite Mother being one. He always acted like a friend, treated me with respect as one does a friend, treated me as an equal. It was only after his death that I truly realized all he had done for me and that I never told him how much I appreciated what he had done for me. When I saw the book I realized how I disrespected him by not letting him know how much I appreciated all that he did for me. Captain Kirk and my fellow officers have helped me accept what and possibly why he did what he did. I will bring the book to Vulcan as soon as time allows. Give Mother my regards. Live long and prosper, Father." Kirk saw Spock hold up his hand in salute and saw Sarek do the same.

"I shall give your mother your regards and let her know you intend to be back sooner than we had thought. Live long and prosper, Son."

For a few minutes Spock sat before the blank screen till Kirk put a hand on his friend's shoulder, "You okay, Spock?"

Without looking up at Kirk Spock said, "I believe Vice-admiral Loxtion gave you more information than you have told me and more than you told my father, am I correct?"

"Yes, he said a bit more but just know he saved others and, as you heard in that message, was thinking of you, Spock, his friend, at the end." Kirk placed a hand on a thin shoulder and gave a squeeze. "Just be pleased he got to say goodbye to somebody who mattered to him, and a lot of others."

A slight smile touched Spock's lips and was reflected about his eyes as he looked at Kirk, "In a way I think he prepared me for meeting you and our friendship."

"Oh?"

"You are a great deal like him in so many ways and yet you do not suffer insatiable curiosity as much as he did, you do not challenge yourself in the many ways he would, and you do not ask a question," for a moment as he remembered the many times Brian did and especially that last time, "and then count aloud one thousand and one, one thousand and two, one thousand and three."

"I'll keep that in mind. Think we should get back to the bridge. I'll just take these to my quarters and meet you on the bridge. Thank you again."

"No thanks are necessary, Jim. I will be there shortly."

Once Kirk had gone Spock carefully put the four items away in the trunk and then sat for a moment just looking at the trunk. As he looked at it he remembered the night before that final test when he had wanted to stay and study and Brian had insisted they go out, just for a walk. He closed his eyes as he recalled it. A walk on which Brian had sung a song he had made up with a way to remember the complexity of the likely problem they might get. It had been on that walk, listening to the rhythm of the song, the words, that he realized how Brian learned and remembered things. A rhythm, a tempo, and when he had asked Brian about it he remembered how Brian had laughed and said that there was a rhythm to life from the heartbeat, to the tides, to the passage of food through the body, to the chain reaction of the splitting of an atom.

" _Remember that I once said that you and I were in sync which was one reason we were such friends, Spock? We understood one another's rhythm. You may not have seen it then but you know it now. You have found others with whom you are in sync. I am pleased for you, my friend._ " Despite knowing Brian was dead Spock looked around his quarters as he was sure he had heard that familiar voice. He closed his eyes for a moment as he recalled what was on that sweatshirt and realized that it must have been that which called forth that voice and that memory.

He opened his eyes and slowly prepared to return to the bridge, pausing for a moment before he left his quarters to again touch the chest. It was so like Brian, quiet, solid, peaceful, non judgmental, and full of surprises. As he looked at it he was aware of a part of his mind being pleased that that trunk was there, that Brian had given it to him, as it had been a part of Brian, a part of them, a part of their time together as so often when he and Brian talked and studied he would sit on that trunk while he had what he had to examine on his own chair as well as covering almost all of the desk that the two of them were to use. All those times he had taken up so much of the study space and Brian never complained. There had been that quiet understanding, they truly had been in sync.

When he walked on the bridge the others were there. He returned their nods of acknowledgement and went to the science station. He sat and knew to the others he would appear to be studying the monitors not knowing he had seen, as he sat, that all was normal, and that he was opening himself to the sensations on the bridge. Briefly he closed his eyes and nodded and whispered so only that memory of Brian heard it, " _We are in sync._ "

 **\- -FIN- -**

* * *

A/N That's that one done - hope you liked it. Take care and HAVE FUN!


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